I'm So Happy

Well, folks, we did it.  We made it to three.  Yep, yesterday, the babies celebrated their third birthday.  Family and friends came over, and we ate pizza and cupcakes, and we sang "Happy Birthday" and opened presents, and, really, just had a wonderful day.  In fact, if you were to ask me what the highlights were, I would have trouble separating one moment from another--except, that is, for one particular instance, which might just be a highlight of life itself, and which presently impels me to post this blog, but I'll get to that in just a bit.

Suzy started the day with a birthday sign for each of our people waiting at the breakfast table.  We ate a good breakfast and then opened Mommy-and-Daddy gifts: firetruck, guitar and tea set (--firetruck ignored, and guitar ruined within minutes--ha, seemed like good ideas a couple of months ago--tea set was a hit, though).

Then Suzy went on a bike ride with Maureen, while I took the rest of the morning getting the kids dressed.  Yea, it's a slow process on any day, but the reason it took especially long yesterday was because they played outside in their diapers with our neighbors the whole while, resisting my calm entreaties to come in.  Of course, I was in no hurry.  (Every parent learns soon enough, I assume, to make the most of the in-between moments: those transitions characterize, and, really, make up life at least as much as anything else you could plan--have to try to be both adjustable and receptive always.)

Mommy returned and I had finally managed to get the guys dressed and buckled into the car for lunch and a few errands.  Grandma Martha joined us, along with our neighbor Ashlynn, at our favorite restaurant, and then we went home for our nap (after a quick stop at the grocery store).  Nap was a poor one--the kids pretty excited about what was on the other side of it, but, thanks in large part to Ashlynn, it afforded enough time to get everything set up for the party.  Crepe paper, balloons, then a snack after nap, and people started arriving.

Everyone visited and played and ate dinner, and then it happened: the birthday cupcakes, candles and easily one of the most memorable moments of my life...

I should give you a little more context, though.  You see, Suzy and I had been building this day up for pretty much the whole month.  Suzy's B-day is in early August, and Suzy's family has a tradition of celebrating every August birthday in her large family during an end-of-summer "camping" trip.  So the babes had twice seen the custom a few weeks in advance.  And, unlike the attempt to prepare them for Santa Claus a year ago (--you might remember the horror-movie poster-picture that resulted, a couple of posts below), the guys were really getting the concept--not quite counting down the days, but understanding that something "big" was happening some day soon.  "How old are you?"..."When are you turning three?"..."What's happening in four...in three...in two days?"...

Anyway, after dinner, as I was saying, we were setting up to sing "Happy Birthday" to the babes.  This year, Suzy had the brilliant idea of singing to each one separately, which is what we did.  We put Scout on a stool in the center of everyone (first, of course) and we sang to her.  She blew out her candles and that was that.  Then it was Charlie's turn.  Scout took her cupcake to the adjacent picnic table, and Kiefer was waiting patiently in someone's lap, and I had just hoisted Charlie onto the stool, and then he said it--so pure, so perfect, and beautiful, right in that silence before the singing began, surrounded by all the greatest people in the world--right there between lighting candles and lifting the collective taking of breath, he divulged his heart: "I'm so happy."  What?!  Amazing.  Suzy nearly cried on the instant, but, as we were all cued, we just smiled and started singing, and without much more notice, the moment passed.  We sang to Kiefer, ate our cupcakes, opened gifts and the party went its course without a hitch.

Now, you all know what it's like to hear a child string words together in a way you've never heard before (--happens to us regularly these days).  Cute voice, simple construction, and yet full to the gills of evolutionary triumph, of transcendence and spirit.  You know that smile you wear, surprised and proud and amused all at once.  But for this sequence, at that very moment, between this and that, after presents that hit and missed, and friends and family come and gone their way, there, poised on the edge of the rest of all eternity, I cannot tell you what it meant--what it means--can't tell you how it sits in my heart now and pushes tears up into my eyes as I sit here and write.  "I'm so happy."

So happy.

Seriously?!

Good, Charlie Bird.  Good.  Good, my sweet boy...

What I can tell you is that later that night, Suzy turned toward me in bed, and we talked about the day, and about that moment in particular, and then she said to me, "You know, that's how I feel."  Yea, what fortune we have, what people around us, what help, and love, and joy--what joy and connection we share between just ourselves alone--what a world to imagine.  It's everything I aim to remember each time I post to this blog: I always write, "Thank you."  (Don't I always say, "Thank you"?)  How small those words seem right now.  Instead, I will say simply this: I looked my wife back in the eyes last night, then kissed her, and said, "Yea, Suz, me too."